Victoria Spul: Be careful what you wish for

Victoria, we are pleased to welcome you to Marie Claire Serbia. You are a popular author of psychological books and articles. On the eve of the New Year holidays, when many are drawing up wish boards and plans for the next year, it will be more important than ever to receive valuable answers from a sought-after author on how to do it.

Well, goal persuasion and thought materialization is a specialty of mine. I’ve been writing about it for over 18 years. Here is how it works. You have to be very specific about what you want and very flexible about how you wish to get it. Usually people are quite vague about their dreams. «I want to be rich» or «I want to meet the One» – is not the right way to set your intention. It’s not clear, neither for your subconscious nor for the Universe. What exactly is being rich for you? How many dollars/euros would you want to create monthly or annually?

Same with the wish «to meet the One». The universe has an excellent sense of humor. It fulfills our dreams exactly the way we asked. So, in this case, it is most likely the girl will meet a man and have a crush on him and maybe even think he is the One. But he won’t be available or not ready to commit. So always claim the final result in a very clear and certain way. In one of my books, «Fall in love with life mutually», I teach girls to set their wishes and verbalize them.

Another common mistake is trying to control and dictate how the dream is supposed to come true. But the beauty of the thought materialization is that you don’t know and you can’t know that. So that is the part where we should learn how to let go.

Why do you think so many people are languishing in anticipation for the New Year holidays? And how to deal with unfulfilled expectations? 

When you spend most of your life not the way you want but the way you should, New Year might seem like that once in a year rare opportunity to finally get loose a little and allow yourself to do what you actually want. It’s a sip of freedom for many people. But unfortunately, even when you get this opportunity to let go and allow yourself to do whatever you like, it usually turns out – you don’t know what you really want. Like am I spending this holiday with my friends because that’s what I need or am I just doing what I supposed to?

Do I visit my parents on New Year’s eve because I’d love to be with them or is it just a decent thing to do on a family holiday? I’d wish we all try our best to find an opportunity to live each day like it’s your personal holiday! Like your wishes, it is the most important thing to build your life around. Obligations and responsibilities are necessary, of course! But only when they support your big dreams and goals. Not vies-a-versa.

You have already published more than 21 books, you are now writing a new one, tell us what it is about?

Actually, I’ve hit a pause in book writing. My last novel «Fifth Floor» took me 5 years to write it. And honestly, I feel exhausted at this point. I won’t be able to come up with a new book until the story won’t knock on my door. Right now I’m all about scripts.

I’m developing a new feature script. «Dollhouse» is a working title. It is about the life of crazy rich Russian bloggers, their ways to con people and the price they pay for their fast success. Honestly, I’m super excited about it. Even though I’ve never sold a script before, that’s a risk I’m willing to take.

Do you use people from your real life as a source of inspiration for book characters? How often do characters and situations in your life become the subject of your articles?

„Well I ain’t gonna lie to you, when it comes to fiction, it turns out the Universe has the most vivid imagination and she often introduces me to people who will later become my characters. It’s a bit of a problem actually. When I was 18-21 years old, I wrote and published my first novels and a lot of people from my hometown read them and found themselves and weren’t very happy about it.

I’ve lost many friends in my life just because I was inspired to use them in my books and never had the courtesy to ask for their permission. Now I’ve changed. I still use people from real life as my book characters. But I add as much fiction and fantasy as possible to make him unrecognizable. “

Let’s talk about fashion. After all, Marie Claire is, first and foremost, a guide to fashionable life for women around the world. How much do you think strong clothing can affect a person’s psychological mood? 

„Our mind and body are deeply connected and affect each other all the time. Of course, what we wear not only reflects how we feel about ourselves, but also affects how we move, how we walk, how we behave. For years I used to make a fatal mistake by thinking: Gosh, I’m too exhausted and frustrated to dress up, so I’ll just put on my cozy oversized joggers, some t-shirt and be done with my look. But now I have been thinking about this whole idea.

I’ve discovered that clothes can be the source of energy, power, confidence, and inspiration. When you feel down, it is a good reason to dress up and at least try to fill the internal deficit. Now, when I feel powerless, I put on my leather leggings. Leather is so sexy and empowering. This is probably why half of my wardrobe is built around leather skirts, shorts, pants etc. “

How does the constant pursuit of trends affect a person’s psychological state, because every season you need to buy new outfits?

„Well, luckily for us, designers create more long trends. I feel like a lot of girls are so over fast fashion and prefer to invest in the wardrobe wisely, buying clothes that stay relevant for more than one season. But if the person feels the pressure and compulsive obsession to buy all the latest collections, I think it’s a kind of FOMO (fear of missing out).

And even though it might seem harmless, it’s probably a good call for therapy. Cause usually there’s a lot of unresolved issues, shame and a sense of being not enough. Which is, of course, too painful to put up with!

Fashion and psychology always go hand in hand. As you know, when planning trends for the next season, fashion designers take into consideration the mood in society. If people want peace due to the current situation in the world, trends such as pastel colors and colors of nature, flowers and forests are introduced into fashion. What do you think, as a psychologist, based on the overall picture in the world, what will be „IT“ in fashion in 2024? 

Well, I’m not exactly a foreteller, but when I was looking at SS 2024 collections I felt like we were going back to basics. I mean women look like women again. After years of oversize clothes, wearing, boyfriend’s wardrobe and so on, we are finally back to dramatic femininity.

Flowers, dresses, fitted or semi-fitted cut, but always showing curves, transparent skirts. It feels like women are tired of hiding their sexuality. We’ve been fighting enough for equality, we’ve been fighting enough! It looks like we’re finally ready to enjoy just being women. I think it’s about time.

Lately you’ve been introducing yourself under a new name. Is this part of the rebranding?

„Oh right! That’s a big transition. After 10 years of marriage, I finally found courage to take my husband’s last name. That was a difficult decision. I have been a writer since I was 18, so after 20 years in the industry I am pretty famous: twenty books, a hundred articles, 10 years of video blogging. All half a million subscribers on Youtube knew me as Victoria Isaeva.

I’ve invested a lot in making this name famous. And now I’m kind of starting over under the name of Victoria Spul. But I felt like it was the right thing to do. After 23 years of relationships with my husband, I wanted to fully commit, accepting every part of him, his family, his history. So I did it! Hopefully, everything works out. Especially since my goal now is a writer’s career abroad. I want my books to be read in every part of our beautiful world.

And considering that, it’s so much easier for foreigners to pronounce Victoria Spul than Victoria Isaeva. I don’t know why, but my earliest last name was completely unpronounceable, especially for Americans.

Recently, our readers have been concerned with the question of how to maintain resilience during a period of constant changes in the world and how to reduce the level of anxiety. What advice would you give to people who constantly watch negative news?

Let’s face it: there are things we can control and things that we can’t control. Usually, anxiety is a result of trying to control things and processes that are much bigger than you. Politics, the world economy, the Covid, the future – those are things you can’t control no matter how much you try.

All your suffering and nerves around some situation or negative scenarios that may or may not happen to you is not gonna be helpful at all. But there is a thing we can control: our attitude to the situation. I have a great habit! When some idea enters my mind, I ask myself: what is this thought doing to me right now?

How does it make me feel? If I see that some idea makes me freeze, fight or fight, if it makes me feel bad, then I let it go. Meditation is a great way to do it. I meditate a lot.

How do you personally recharge? Do you have places of power?

„I’ve discovered that lying on the couch immersed in my iphone is not recharging at all. So I prefer to rest actively. I do yoga and pole dance. I walk a lot. Oh, I love to travel! Reconnecting with nature is so empowering. I adore the ocean. In winter, my family and I usually go to Seychelles. The perfect spring for me is the one that I spend in California.

In summer we usually stay in Montenegro. Frankly, sometimes I feel like the planet Earth is talking to me. I wake up and all of a sudden feel the urge to go somewhere. And I make it happen. And somehow, magically, each country gives me exactly the insight I’ve been looking for. “

Photos: Valeria Sinitcina, Igor Malakhov @igor__malakhov
Author: Victoria Isaeva @vicisaeva
PR: Mariia Borovenska @mariiaborovenskaya
Autor/model: @vicisaeva

Izvor slike: Valeria Sinitcina, Igor Malakhov