Not Everyone Can Get Pregnant Naturally — And That’s Okay

Some women know the moment they want to become mothers. Others arrive at that desire more slowly. But what unites us is that when we decide we’re ready, we assume it will just… happen.

For many, it doesn’t.

And in those moments — when every cycle feels like a countdown, when every pregnancy announcement hits like a wave — a quiet grief sets in. A grief no one teaches you how to name.

But this, too, must be said:

Struggling to conceive does not make you less of a woman. It simply makes you human.

And no — it’s not the end of your motherhood story. Far from it.

The Quiet Reality Behind Closed Doors

Infertility affects millions of women around the world, across all backgrounds, ages, and life stages. Some are navigating this alone. Others are in long-term partnerships. Some have been trying for years. Others are just beginning to ask: Is something wrong?

What I want every woman to know — especially those feeling shame or silence — is this:

You are not alone. And there are more paths than one to motherhood.

As a reproductive law attorney and founder of Herman Family Group, I work with intended parents from all over the world — people who come to us when nature needs a little help. What they find is not only options, but support, clarity, and the space to breathe again.

Understanding Your Options — Without Fear or Shame

The most empowering thing you can do is get informed. Because understanding what’s available to you helps turn anxiety into agency.

Here are the three most common options I walk women through:

1. IVF — A Natural Starting Point for Many

IVF (in vitro fertilization) is often the first step when traditional conception isn’t working. It might be right for you if:

• You’ve been trying for 6–12 months without success
• You have a known fertility condition (PCOS, endometriosis, low ovarian reserve)
• You want to preserve embryos
• You’re a same-sex female couple or planning for solo motherhood

It’s a medical process, yes — but it’s also an act of intention. You’re saying: I want this. I’m ready. Let’s take control together.

2. Egg Donation — When You Need an Extra Gift

Some women are told their own eggs may no longer be viable. It’s devastating to hear. But here’s what’s also true:

Egg donation doesn’t take anything away from your role as a mother — it simply expands the team behind your child’s arrival.

This might be for you if:

• You’re in your early 40s or beyond
• You’ve had repeated IVF failures with your own eggs
• You have a genetic condition you don’t want to pass on

With donor eggs, you still carry the pregnancy. You bond. You nurture. You become their mother in every way that matters.

3. Surrogacy — When Your Body Says No, But Your Heart Still Says Yes

If pregnancy isn’t medically possible or safe, surrogacy becomes a loving, deeply collaborative option.

You may need it if:

• You’ve had a hysterectomy
• You have a heart or autoimmune condition that makes pregnancy dangerous
• You’re a same-sex male couple
•  You’ve experienced repeated pregnancy loss

Surrogacy is often misunderstood, but here’s the truth:

It’s not about someone “doing it for you” — it’s about someone doing it with you.

And when done ethically, with care and legal clarity, it’s one of the most incredible partnerships I’ve ever witnessed.

You Deserve Support, Not Judgment

Choosing any of these paths doesn’t mean you’re weak. It means you’re willing to adapt — to fight — to become the mother you know you’re meant to be.

Too often, we carry these questions alone:

What if my body can’t do this? What if I fail? What if I wait too long?

But what if the better question is:

What can I do — today — to explore my options?

You don’t have to decide everything now. You don’t even have to start treatment.

But what you can do is speak to someone who understands.

From Me, To You

There’s no single definition of motherhood. There’s no gold standard for how a family is built. There is only love — and the choices you make to get there.

Whatever your story becomes, I hope it leads you to peace.

To possibility.

To the child you already love in your heart.

And if you’re ready to talk, I’ll be here — not for offering services, not to pressure — but simply to listen.

Anastasia Herman is the founder of Herman Family Group, an international surrogacy and fertility agency, serving intended parents across Europe, the UK, the U.S., and beyond. Recognized by Best Lawyers in Ukraine as one of the country’s top reproductive law attorneys, Anastasia advocates for ethical, transparent, and heart-centered family-building solutions.

 

Izvor slike: Serhii Smirnov @serhiismirnov, NataliaDeriabina/GettyImagesPlus